When Bob and Renee returned from their honeymoon in Hawaii, he wanted his day-to-day life back more or less the way it was before his free time was consumed with wedding details. Bob expected he would resume going to the gym and hanging out with his buddies a few times a week after work. He even decided to take up a new, time-consuming hobby—performing magic tricks.
Renee was amazed. She’d become happily accustomed to the togetherness of planning and enjoying their wedding and honeymoon, and she couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to spend all their non-work time together now that they were married.
Opposites attract, explains Edward Shea, M.S.W., a relationship coach in Elmhurst, Illinois. Bob is what Shea calls “the distancer,” the person in the relationship who requires lots of space, while Renee is “the pursuer,” the one who craves constant connection.